It happened. Life has finally made it impossible to continue to ignore our childhood traumas. No matter what age we are, and whether we realize it or not, childhood traumas dictate who we are and how we connect to others. The key is to Identify what those traumas are so that we can begin our healing journey.
What are childhood traumas and how are they formed?
Childhood traumas are experiences we lived through in our childhood that caused us to have long-term disturbances. Trauma not only shows up in the way we interact with others and ourselves, but it can also affect our physical health. Studies show that those with more Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are at greater risk for heart disease, depression and suicide.
Some of these ACEs include:
- Physical Abuse
- Emotional Abuse
- Sexual Abuse
- Neglect
- Divorce
- Substance abuse in the home
- Domestic Violence in the home
- Parent or Sibling with mental illness in the home
There are also many “smaller” or non-traditional traumas that we sometimes fail to recognize and those can come from the way we form our first relationships to our caregivers. When a child suffers from constant traumas like these, they develop childhood stress which form anti-social behaviors. Irritability, anger, and the need to withdraw are just some examples of those.
To heal from childhood traumas, we must first Identify them
People who have experienced horrific childhood traumas, often suffer from memory loss. The memory loss can either be permanent or momentary, and occurs so that the person can cope with traumatic events. Because trauma and memory loss go hand in hand, it can sometimes be impossible to pin point their origins. Identifying traumas however, are less about searching for what happened and more about the negative patterns that have been established over the years. Toxic patterns tend to repeat themselves throughout our lives and they often hinder our relationships to people and to ourselves.
How to Identify childhood traumas
Observe:
- Patterns that keep causing trouble in your life. For example, ending up in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable, abusive, and/or narcisstic is a clear sign there is some work to be done.
- Routines and things that are happening seemingly on autopilot. For example, over-eating or over sleeping.
- Negative thoughts as they come into your awareness. Sometimes negative thoughts are so commonplace, that they aren’t acknowledged or questioned.
- Emotions and how they affect overall mood. It is important to question them as they arise, to be able to find the root of the problem.
Identify your attachment Style:
- Are you dismissive-avoidant? Those with an avoidant attachment style, run from disagreements, avoid arguments and anything else that causes them discomfort. People with this attachment style, avoid relationships and closeness.
- Are you anxious? People with this type of attachment style are often described as needy and have low self-esteem. They have a strong desire for relationships and tend to become dependent on them.
- Are you fearful-Avoidant? Fearful-Avoidants didn’t have a consistent attachment style as children. They want relationships but they are frightened by them. They have a deep fear of getting hurt by those they love, and often sabotage relationships.
- Are you secure? People with a secure attachment style, are confident and have healthy relationships with others. They do not fear closeness and have a general positive view of themselves.
Healing from childhood trauma is a journey
While there are no quick fixes in life, we can certainly take the first step and start to do the work. Luckily, there are many approaches to healing that will surely be beneficial.
When we are victims the past controls us
Acknowledging that trauma happened, is the first step. Minimizing trauma instills self-hatred, and feelings of guilt and worthlessness. When we are victims, the past is in the drivers seat, but when we are survivors we control our present.
Resources to get you started
Want to know your ACE score? Take the quiz.
Get your Trauma workbook here.
Learn how to do the work with Dr. Nicole LePera.
Consider subscribing if you want to learn more.
*Nubehavioral is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.