Whether you realize it or not, emotional intelligence skills are a valuable in any interpersonal dynamic. It enables us to effectively communicate with our co-workers, bosses, friends and family members. We’ll discuss 10 skills that can help develop the emotional intelligence to be successful in life.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence, or the emotional quotient (EQ), refers to the ability to be self-aware and understand how to process your emotions as well as how to empathize with others. There are four major components of emotional intelligence. These include:
- Self-Awareness: The ability to recognize your emotions and understand how those emotions affect every aspect of your life. Those with self-awareness, understand what motivates them and what their strengths and weaknesses are.
- Self-Management: The ability to self-regulate emotions and process them in healthy ways. People with this skill can control impulsivity, take initiative when needed, and maintain a positive outlook during difficult times.
- Relationship management: The ability to develop and maintain relationships through good communication and proper conflict management.
- Social Awareness: The ability to recognize and empathize with others. People with social awareness can pick up on social cues and take others feelings, concerns, and perspectives into consideration. They can recognize relationship dynamics and adapt accordingly.
We all view life from our own perspective. The following empathy video illustrates this point:
Why are having emotional intelligence skills so important?
As you probably have gathered by now, emotional intelligence skills are useful in many interpersonal relationships. A high EQ opens doors to promotions and career opportunities. Many employers value excellent communication skills over practical skills. Adding to a positive work environment is more desirable than a skill per se. After all, those skills can be easily taught but emotional intelligence skills are much more difficult to obtain. Not only do these skills help further career goals, they also facilitate healthy romantic and platonic relationships. Having the ability to understand others emotions and properly communicate yours, is the foundation to any successful relationship.
This is a list of ways you can improve on all 4 of the pillars of emotional intelligence.
1. Reflect on how your behavior affects others.
A great practical way to reflect on your behavior is to journal daily. Journaling in the morning can help you set an intention for the day, while journaling in the evenings help you evaluate your day. Was there anything you could’ve done better? How did you feel today? etc. Viewing your actions and behaviors outside of yourself can sometimes provide the clarity needed to make better, more informed decisions.
2. Practice identifying your emotions.
Try to identify your emotions in real time. It is helpful to name your emotions and look at them objectively. Try reframing the way you identify with the emotion. Instead of saying, “I’m sad,” say “I feel sad.” It’s helpful to create a separation between you as a person and a temporary emotion. When you look at feelings objectively, it helps process things more rationally instead of the emotions overpowering and overwhelming you.
3. Use active listening
We’ve all participated in one-way conversations at least once in our lifetime. We don’t usually befriend people who only talk about themselves and never hold space for anyone else. Make sure you are listening to the other person and engaging in the conversation. Ask questions, give feedback, and give them your attention while they are speaking. If you are interested in further sharpening your skills as an active listener, this book is a great resource.
4. Empathize with others.
Inquire about others. People with empathy care about others interests and feelings. Find similarities with people that you can bond over, and make an effort to see things from their point of view. This article discusses the many different types of empathy, and how to approach them in a work setting.
5. Respond to conflict instead of reacting.
A sign of high emotional intelligence is most demonstrated by the familiar saying “think before you speak.” We may say things in the heat of the moment that aren’t necessarily conducive to a positive environment. When we respond with out emotions we damage relationships instead of communicating clearly. Make sure to respond from a rational place. If you need to take some time to cool down, do it. After all, the goal is to be heard, and that won’t happen when things escalate.
6. Take responsibility for your words and actions.
One of the toughest things for many people is apologizing when they are wrong. Admitting you were wrong is not a weakness, on the contrary, it is an opportunity for reflection and growth. Those with high emotional intelligence want to continue to grow both mentally and emotionally.
7. Accept constructive criticism and seek feedback.
One aspect of self-awareness is to understand your strengths and weaknesses. Receiving honest and constructive feedback allows you to work on things that you may not have been aware off before. It can be hard to hear that you are lacking in certain areas, but those with high emotional intelligence welcome the challenge and embrace the feedback to become better version of themselves.
8. Practice assertiveness when communicating.
Of course empathy and holding space for others is important, but don’t forget to do that for yourself too. It’s important to note that assertiveness doesn’t equate aggressiveness. When you have something important to say or if you want to communicate boundaries, say it tactfully.
9. Motivate yourself.
Bet on you. Many people wait for something to happen, when the reality is, we are in control. Those with emotional intelligence are confident and continue to challenge themselves in different ways in order to learn and grow. Reflect on what motivates you and implement that into your lifestyle.
10. Always maintain a positive attitude.
When we focus on all of the negative aspects of our lives, we condition ourselves to only see the negative. Negativity weighs you down and makes you lose motivation. When you find positive things to be grateful for, it changes your mood and the way you see others. People that possess emotional intelligence skills maintain a positive attitude even through hardships and challenges.
Gaining emotional intelligence skills take time
Although you can certainly start implementing these skills today, emotional intelligence isn’t learned overnight. We have a lifetime of patterns wired into our brain so we’ll need to undue those by practicing these skills everyday. If this is all too overwhelming, don’t worry. Start with a few these suggestions and go from there. Remember we are all a work in progress and this is a life long process. What’s important is taking that first step and deciding that it’s time to become a better version of you.
What is your EQ score? Take the test here.
Did the results surprise you? What tips are you excited to implement?
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